irl quotes

it made sense at the time

  • traycer - on taking responsible steps to parenthood
    friday 2:24pm 22 may 2015

    Yeah, maybe start you off with taking care of a plant. Then perhaps a lasagna. Then perhaps a fish. Then a monkey in a shearling coat. Then an actual human baby.

  • blastees
    tuesday 10:05am 27 january 2015

    iz: can I bring my cats? Maybe?
    syber: omg - can you!?
    iz: I will only if I manage to teach them a dance routine in time.
    luca: do they drink Vodka?
    iz: of course, they have a polish mother

  • mike bryant
    friday 3:28pm 16 january 2015

    In retrospect, we should have known Bill Cosby was a monster back in 1985 when he endorsed New Coke.

  • iza - we love cats
    thursday 3:22pm 30 january 2014

    What is the cut of time for deployment today? (something you feel comfortable with, but don't say kittens)

  • after the launch of leerdammer (cheese) website:
    wednesday 4:00pm 8 january 2014

    Otto: I say CHEESE :)
    Sibs: When cheese gets its picture taken what does it say? - Leerdammer!
    Way to go � applause.
    Bernard: The comments are becoming more and more CHEESY.
    Iza: Cheesus people
    Sandy: Very Gouda.
    Matt C.: Make it stop. I Camembert bare it.
    Sandy: Is it making you feel BLUE?!

  • Frobozz (to Tito W. Sanchez)
    friday 5:03pm 10 may 2013

    Whoa, sounds like you have a whole dune in your vagina today.

  • frobozz n zed
    thursday 6:13am 18 april 2013

    Zed Dulac: Remember the days when the Internet was made with a television, a bunch of telegraph wires and a few monkey brains?

    Frobozz Smith: Chilled monkey brains.

    Zed Dulac: @Frobozz: Right ... because we *always* overclock them to get the most bang for our baboon.

  • eden (after NHL returned from the lockout)
    sunday 11:09pm 20 january 2013

    I understand from the facebooks that some sports are being sportsed this weekend and the sportsing is going well. I am happy for the fans of the sports.

  • Scrawl (
    thursday 1:10pm 10 january 2013

    i dun thnk th assinments in 4 2moro
    lol kk
    i ws lik shiting myslef
    The English language is dead at your feet, blood leaking from the chainsaw wounds in its chest as you ejaculate over its mangled corpse.
    wtf dud

  • traycer
    monday 8:51pm 3 december 2012

    This girl sounds like I do when I'm having sex:

    If I wasn't watching the video, I would be imaginging very wet, sloshy, incestuous sex, involving some sort of large, motorized device.

  • jamie leonard
    saturday 1:31am 17 november 2012

    Ideas are like the chestburster from the movie "alien". Nothing happens for a long while, and then they fly out unexpectedly horrifying everyone around you.

  • Guinge
    saturday 12:23am 8 january 2011

    There is a lot of trouble to be made. It is hardly a solo job.

  • math
    thursday 8:39am 30 december 2010

    Zoidberg FTW (V)(;,,;)(V)

  • pelayo
    sunday 10:13pm 25 july 2010

    Pelayo Matute: feels like an Asinus iacobaeus regalis. And contrary to what he'd hoped, couching it in Latin doesn't help much.
    Tim Welsby: As opposed magister meus asinus est?
    Pelayo Matute: Tim, are you calling me an assmaster?

  • MarkG
    tuesday 4:05am 8 august 2006

    Cigarette packets now have pictures of the damage their contents cause - coronary disease, gangrene, mouth cancer - conspicuously displayed on all sides.

    Let's treat everyone on the playing field equally and mandate that McDonalds, Hungry Jacks and the rest have to have pictures of grossly fat people in swimsuits on their packaging.

  • Carl (CGU)
    sunday 1:39pm 18 june 2006

    me: the CVS server is dead again.
    carl: I think it's got commitment issues.

  • tai viinikka
    wednesday 2:49pm 5 april 2006

    Q: When was time travel invented?
    A: Yes.

  • dyngnosis
    wednesday 9:24am 5 april 2006

    wget porn
    * not enough drivespace (18932 TB required)
    hrm, gzip?

  • frobozz
    wednesday 2:03am 15 march 2006

    frobozz.exe says: ah... well, I'll sum it all up by saying Bush's approval rating is the lowest of any president ever or something at this point.
    The world is waking up, nice to see.
    beluga says: it only took 7 years
    frobozz.exe says: Yeah, that's about how long WWII ran.
    We got off light.

  • existangst
    friday 7:54am 18 april 2003

    Happy Good Friday.
    Take this day, go see an R-rated movie, get disrespectfully drunk with your mates and have a fat beef steak for dinner.

  • kim
    tuesday 3:38pm 15 april 2003

    you'll never achieve gratisfaction if you don't carry yourself with more dignitude.

  • JDC forum
    thursday 2:00pm 27 march 2003

    imagine that you are a compiler and you must decide what to do.

  • friday 2:00pm 21 march 2003

    god i want to go home now
    *** Machine is now known as God
    No. Fuck you.
    You will work.

  • #srh
    thursday 2:00pm 13 march 2003

    wooo, the sun came out
    THE SUN IS GAY!??!

  • dwarf
    monday 2:00pm 3 march 2003

    typos matter, because the penis mightier than the sword!

  • irc speak
    saturday 2:00pm 1 march 2003

    root canal... sounds like main street in Venice
    or a red light district in .au

  • rasmus - on backing up Yahoo data
    wednesday 2:58am 26 february 2003

    Briefcase has at least a dozen copies of all the porn and warez in existence

  • klausfiend
    thursday 2:06am 13 february 2003

    official religions are the ones with the best hats.

  • federico - the italian boy
    mixing up english sayings again
    tuesday 4:16pm 17 december 2002

    that was really hard under the belt

  • charlie
    thursday 3:05am 22 august 2002

    i used to practise serial monogamy
    now i practise parallel monogamy
    more efficient data transfer

  • gwen
    saturday 1:22pm 25 may 2002

    A cat spends her life conflicted between a deep, passionate and profound
    desire for fish and an equally deep, passionate and profound desire to
    avoid getting wet. This is the defining metaphor of my life right now.

  • daruka
    thursday 4:05am 7 march 2002

    Daruka: VR1.TOR2 seems to have recovered ... what are you seeing now?
    It's pinging ok.
    Just all of a sudden it stopped.
    What I've been seeing since 5AM or so is these spurts of ping apnea.
    Daruka: Are you the first person to use the phrase 'ping apnea' ?
    Your search - "ping apnea" - did not match any documents. 1
    I love it!
    Yes I think I just coined "ping apnea".
    You fucking rock.
    * Daruka bows
    Daruka: this log shall live on forever.

  • andy
    wednesday 10:40am 6 march 2002

    the week I choose to go on my first ever diet, McDonalds start a buy one-get one free Big Mac Promotion!!

  • izabella
    tuesday 2:00pm 26 february 2002

    suddenly i did't know where i was - naked in a glass tube,
    i had the impression i was transported to another planet that way.
    anyway, i fell asleep in a solarium.

  • andy - advising me on conduct while in israel, a'ii!
    tuesday 2:00pm 5 february 2002

    Well, you take care and please don't get drunk and start shouting;
    "Palestine Palestine, Yasser is da man" for pity's sake.

  • zooey
    thursday 2:00pm 31 january 2002

    glad to hear you're having fun in paris.. not that i expected any less - i could drop you at an insurance salesman conference, and you would have fun.

  • plaid
    wednesday 10:29am 23 january 2002

    le code n'est pas correcte

  • traycer on dating
    sunday 2:00pm 30 december 2001

    as with most problems in mathematics and life, it boils down to an exercise in optimization.:)
    find the combination that maximizes benefits while minimizing risk.

  • andy I (talking about gum)
    friday 9:00pm 7 december 2001

    i always forget to stop sucking

  • TerraByte (but who cant relate?)
    thursday 3:17am 29 november 2001

    /me plays whack-a-porn-site trying to get a software crack file

  • Gav3in
    friday 3:44pm 2 november 2001

    i'm always nervous when i've forgotten a password but still have motor memory of it

  • andy, asking the really important questions in life .. supa stoned.
    sunday 4:00pm 21 october 2001

    the numbers in PI just go on and on, dont they?
    why is that?
    what does it all mean?

  • manny - to him this explained everything
    at 7am getting home after a night on the piss
    saturday 7:45am 13 october 2001

    if you dont think about
    what you're thinking about
    you're fucked up.

  • ehlokitty (#srh)
    thursday 4:40pm 4 october 2001

    /me has worked in many large corpuleneces where fiscal dumness was the norm ( often masked by "politics" ).

  • zoltan - web funkster
    friday 3:35pm 28 september 2001

    for (i=1; i

  • machine - "dont wanna work!"
    tuesday 11:24am 25 september 2001

    i want to call in dead today

  • clothilde .. after a bomb scare at work, but i think we all feel this way sometimes.
    tuesday 10:56pm 18 september 2001

    it's all too real...

  • machine
    tuesday 2:31pm 18 september 2001


  • - all class
    monday 12:00am 17 september 2001

    q. why are so many of your shirts understated?
    a. they are not understated.
    they are efficient.

  • softfurrykitty - after the terrorist attack on NYC/DC
    thursday 10:00am 13 september 2001

    Hell hath no fury like a pissed off superpower.

  • frenzon
    monday 10:00am 10 september 2001

    i miss the touch..
    and the warmth.

  • stephen (and you all thought brits were uptight)
    monday 4:00pm 3 september 2001

    ..think you're getting antsy?
    Try living in Curzon where the sexual tension is thicker than the London smog!

  • zooey
    monday 4:00pm 3 september 2001

    remember to smile.. even when nobody is watching..

  • simon - on moving in with the girlfriend...
    sunday 4:00pm 2 september 2001

    <girlfriend> has accumulated a suprising amount of things for which I am unable to see a sufficient reason for having.

  • stephen .. addressing me at the time - natuarally.
    friday 4:00pm 31 august 2001

    You are obviously a complete loon! Hurrah!

  • glen
    thursday 4:00pm 30 august 2001

    you're my super coolo nerdo.

  • - adam (oh it's so true)
    tuesday 4:00pm 14 august 2001

    it's always the way, relationships start to pick up just as you are ready to leave (no matter where you're going... in fact the further you're going, the better they usually look - GRRR) :)

  • joel .. finding it difficult to articulate at 1:30am :)
    tuesday 6:00am 14 august 2001

    aaaaargagh! i hate typing about 20 lines of things but they are all wrong....

  • glen ..the entrepreneur
    monday 4:00pm 13 august 2001

    It's like that game 'Myst'
    Bestselling game of all time, yet I don't know anyone who bought it
    Porn is the bestselling internet thing,
    yet I don't know anyone who's paid for it.

  • what do we really want? true love :) .. don't call me naive - it does too exist!
    monday 4:00pm 6 august 2001

    me : "it's over. it lacked passion, magic, true love! but it can be like the movies goddamit!"

    iain: "I want my movie-likeness back!
    Damn that Sarah for destroying my innocence .. now I have to wait until I fade back into ignorant bliss before I can fall in love again."

  • joel
    wednesday 4:00pm 1 august 2001

    i think we reached that apex where we either jump off the mountain together or walk back down on separate trails.
    should have known too much pressure = explosion.

  • joel, funnily enough, whilst petting a sheep
    saturday 4:00pm 2 june 2001

    what's is feel like?
    ohhh.. it's just like a wool sweater

  • not so good in the morning, especially not after all night bus trips.. joel
    saturday 4:00pm 14 april 2001

    me: "flight's at 6pm"
    joel: "in the morning?"

  • the epitome of decandance.. matty
    tuesday 4:43pm 13 march 2001

    ..lazing around in bed with a computer and a cute girl - what more does a guy need???

  • james
    wednesday 4:28pm 7 march 2001

    he was like a little brother, without the brother thing ..

  • simon - the freak
    wednesday 7:44am 7 march 2001

    You say you are eating nothing but packet pasta as if thats a bad thing... i love that gear.

  • niveus [ a cultural reference i dont get - someone enlighten me ]
    tuesday 2:00pm 6 march 2001

    the more i think about that boy ..
    the more i worry about clock towers.

  • cam
    monday 2:00pm 5 march 2001

    ever wake up and wonder at how amazingly fortunate you are to exist?
    look at the universe and the bazillions of possible combinations....yet you were born.
    i wonder what it is you're supposed to find before you die?

  • simon .. after i told him i'd booked a round the world ticket
    thursday 12:00pm 22 february 2001

    $20 says you don't return to melbourne...

  • review of simon's band from some Perth street mag
    wednesday 2:00pm 21 february 2001

    "With PC Thug raising the maturity level FOURSTROKE had to provide something pretty dazzling to prove their existence - and that they did. They were loud, talented, and darn ingenious. With a two guitar/no bass formula, their sound drifted from the punked up mood to straight rock. The good old devil sign was in abundance from the itching crowd, with these solid rockers delivering evil rightly. With a sound similar to US rock kings Monster Magnet, and plenty of sexy licks

    and massive vocals, the playing was immaculate.

    Fourstroke is an understatement, these guys are more like a bloody space rocket with plenty of fuel to burn."

  • random icq human
    monday 2:00pm 19 february 2001

    u sound a little not as normal as most chicks

  • nadia of
    friday 10:00am 26 january 2001

    I've recently decided to give up on bois in favour of buying clothes instead. I understand clothes and they come with labels that tell me what to do with them.

  • simon [long way the west coast]
    wednesday 2:00pm 20 december 2000

    me: "it's just not the same teasing you from long distance :{ "
    simon: "i know, i don't think i can throw that far."

  • simon (apologies if this only works with an aussie drawl)
    tuesday 2:00pm 19 december 2000

    be thankful your name doesn't sound like anything.
    i lost count of the number times i looked up at school/uni when someone said "assignment"

  • simon, the rockpig
    sunday 2:00pm 17 december 2000

    i went to listen to a friend of a friends band.
    all female, riot grrl style punk rock.
    one of their songs began with orgasmic moaning.
    needless to say i'll be going to see them again.

  • some random human, overheard in the office
    tuesday 12:00pm 12 december 2000

    if i were a font, i'd be italic.

  • simon, on first discovering my name
    tuesday 12:00pm 28 november 2000

    syberchic? no wonder you get so many creepy guys trying to talk to you :P

  • glen
    monday 2:00pm 27 november 2000

    I was thinking, hmmm .. gettin' a bit of jubjub - it's rounding out my cheekbones and other jaggies ..
    OH MY GOD, I'm becoming an antialiased human being!

  • a freudian slip ? i think not!
    jason - project manager
    tuesday 2:00pm 21 november 2000

    me: "Can you cook?"
    Jason: "Well, I can follow a menu."

    "I mean recipe."

  • glen
    tuesday 2:00pm 14 november 2000

    If you ever don't smile,
    I'll have to use the smileotron 4000 - replete with skin grabberz and anti-grimace hooks.

    Now available in raspberry.

  • glen
    tuesday 2:00pm 14 november 2000

    you're going to have to have your craziness delivered via text injection..
    like dis: "weeweestabbystabby"
    or: "jubjub"

  • joel - that was a compliment right?
    friday 12:00pm 20 october 2000

    you da best dubh cat in da whole pound

  • jim a (after a hot chick visited the office)
    thursday 12:00pm 19 october 2000

    i want age, marital status, experience, non-experience, bra-size, g-string capabilities and general strategy guide on my desk by noon tomorrow

  • steve caddy [eek]
    tuesday 12:00pm 10 october 2000

    Glen is inert.

  • me
    thursday 12:00pm 28 september 2000

    today is my birthday

  • reply from the Director's PA after a misaddressed email and major panic
    wednesday 12:00pm 27 september 2000

    ... is actually on annual leave at the moment so he has not seen your e-mails. Consider the matter closed and rest assured there will be no repercussions.

  • clothilde
    sunday 12:00pm 24 september 2000

    press Alt while typing "0254" - :þ

  • tonia (age 22)
    saturday 3:00pm 23 september 2000

    I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.
    Lucky, I don't think that will be happening any time soon.

  • rob
    saturday 12:00pm 16 september 2000

    Hope you are well and getting love, naked and sex too ... if not, lots of chocolate.

    tuesday 10:00am 12 september 2000

    i feel nothing when i fall over..
    unless it's into you..

    i close my eyes and i'm everywhere i want to be.

  • alex (a sysadmin mailed this to my company after an amusing little change i made to our intranet)
    wednesday 12:00pm 16 august 2000

    kudos to the hacker ...

  • jase
    wednesday 4:00pm 9 august 2000

    Oh, and about being sick of the olympics, try working at IBM for the 7 months beforehand... Know you then the meaning of true anguish...

  • rob
    tuesday 12:00pm 8 august 2000

    Of course, with sobriety comes vast planes of boredom...

  • joel
    friday 12:00pm 14 july 2000

    let's all go to HAPPYLAND! :)

  • candi (fellow electrical engineer)
    tuesday 12:00pm 16 may 2000

    I'm slowly becoming a Unix freak and slowly hating ever having to use Window$

  • james
    wednesday 2:00pm 1 december 1999

    re: dubh
    account gone ?

  • ambra
    saturday 2:00pm 13 november 1999

    you know how one of my trivia is that capsicum is a great laxitive?
    well i amend that statement.. ian-schwian is the best laxitive - he gives me the shits constantly!

  • niveus
    sunday 7:08am 31 october 1999

    i care more about friendships than anything else - especially sex and romance - and would rather be alone and have many close friends than risk losing one >>

  • niveus.. we all love surprises - especially before 8am saturday
    monday 11:38pm 25 october 1999

    wakey wakey .. outdoor furniture very cool the way you have it

  • william
    friday 12:00pm 15 october 1999

    Apologies for taking so long to reply yet again. Have been undergoing major personality reconstruction for the last 2-3 weeks. Previous personality was cracking up and needed repair.

  • niveus - being magnaminous
    tuesday 4:00pm 7 september 1999

    what makes you think i'd wanna do anything to stop someone killing him?
    oh ok .. i guess the world needs morons

if you're on this list and don't want to be, let me know.
if you're NOT on this list - please email me your quote and timestamp of incident occurrence ;)

also see nerdz

enough with these plebians!

how about some science